Secrets I Must Keep
by DoveFeathersAndSnowFlurries
Summary: What does Tony really think about Ziva? This is a quick one shot I posted a while ago that I decided to revise... anyways read and REVIEW!


**Hey everyone!! I posted this short one shot a while back, but decided to revise it. I was really sick for a long time and unfortunately unable to write. So now that I am finally recovering, I figured the best way to get back into writing is maybe a couple revising. Anyways please, please, please review! It makes my day! Love you all! **

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own the show NCIS, the characters, or the really awesome theme song (*tears*)**

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He stared from his desk at the woman on the other side of the room. She had porcelain colored skin, deep, knowing, secretive brown eyes, and long curly brown hair that cascaded down her back. She sat there, typing away, doing paper work, the same paper work he himself was supposed to be doing. She was focused, as she was with everything, and was working hard to get this menial, time consuming task done quickly. As she turned to reach for the bottle of water next to her computer, she caught him out of the corner of her eye staring at her.

"Do you have a problem Tony?" she asked him in a slightly annoyed tone.

_Just admiring how pretty you are_. He thought to himself.

"As senor field agent, I'm just making sure you doing your work to the best of your abilities." he said in a sarcastic tone, and a sly childish grin.

He couldn't understand why he always did that. Made everything into a joke. Why couldn't he just tell her what he thought about, how he felt about her? Why couldn't he just say the three words that always came to mind… I love you. Three simple words that choked him every time he thought about them… I love you… possibly the three words that scared him the most.

"Well stop, it's giving me the crepes." She retaliated in a somewhat friendly teasing voice.

"Creeps Ziva, I'm giving you the creeps."

"So you admit it!" Ziva said triumphantly.

Ton rolled his eyes. Even though it was annoying sometimes, he found her complete butchering of English idioms adorable; he couldn't help but smile. He saw her give him a grin back before she turned back around as returned to her typing. He looked down and pretended to busy himself by go through some papers. He did not want her get suspicious of his staring again. For such a small, gentle looking woman, he did not want to get on her bad side. Getting on her bad side could result in being killed one of eighteen ways with a seemingly harmless paperclip. Maybe that's what he liked most about her. She was able to take care of herself. She didn't need a knight in shining armor to come and save her from some kind of dragon. In fact, she would probably end up saving the knight from the dragon. He laughed out loud at the thought.

"What's so funny Dinozzo?" He heard his boss say as he walked by, ever present cup of coffee in hand.

"Uh nothing Boss." He added quickly, once again busying himself by shuffling papers.

And there it was. Possibly the biggest reason he could never tell her how he felt. Could never tell her those three frightening, but yet so precious words…. The boss and his rule 12. How he despised rule 12. If he ever told her how he felt, it would not only jeopardize his job, but hers as well. They would be separated, sent to different departments, and he was not sure if he could deal with that again. He barely got by last time with just a picture of her on his wall. No. He wasn't going through that again. He would rather live with his secret then risk separation.

He glanced up to see a vacant desk in front of him. He quickly swiveled his chair around to find standing behind him, looking at a blank computer screen. He was never able to figure out exactly how she did that… secret mossad ninja powers was all he could come up with…

"I see you have no work done. What have you been doing all this time?" She questioned with a smirk.

_I've been trying to figure out what to do about you Ziva. Thinking about what I should tell you. What I want to tell you….What I can never tell you…_

"Don't question my creative process Ziva. I need to get in the zone before I can get any work done properly." Again, he had to replace how he truly felt with a joke.

"Ah I see…so that means you have to stare at me and play with papers, yes?"

_No. It means I love you and can't concentrate at work because I am too focused on you_. Not that he was blaming her for it.

"No, it means that I…" Did he really just get close to saying what he thought he was about to say? "I have a lot of work to do, and don't need you sneaking up on me with your ninja skills."

He saw the look of confusion and maybe even the lightest bit of hurt flash across her face before it returned to its usual stone, emotion controlled expression. He sighed. He didn't mean that to come out so cold.

"Fine," She said as she spun around and walked back to her desk. "I will try not to disturb you 'creative process' again." she said bitterly.

He leaned his head on one of his hands as he watched her walk back to her desk and begin typing again. Why couldn't he get this right? Why did he always have to use cheap substitutes instead of real feelings? Why did he even bother to go by rule 12? Why did she have to be so far out of reach? He had gotten almost everything he wanted his whole life, but her. He had impressed every women he had ever met, but her. Ziva David, the women he would always want, but could never have.

He turned to his computer and pushed the power button. He'd figured better try to get some work done, while he thought about what could be, what should be, but what will never be, with Ziva David.

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